so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
