I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
