I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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