And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
