She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
