First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
