You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
