ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
