Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
