I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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