I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We left the knife in your bed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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