She's JV to your varsity
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
