just come out here and I will go home with you...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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