I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
