Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
