**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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