he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
