I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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