Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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