Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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