At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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