If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
