it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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