'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
