My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Boobs speak an international language.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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