At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's the barista slut.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
