You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
