Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
