Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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