Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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