Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
