I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
