Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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