I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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