im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
