Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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