lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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