After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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