guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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