There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
