Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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