well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
