there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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