I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
