Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
