i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
