im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
