Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
