he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
