I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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