i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
