I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
