He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
