so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
