She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
