actually, I'm a sock model
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
