Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize