i dedicated my morning wood to you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize