Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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