Please, let me fuck your mom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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