Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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