I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
