You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
