I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
