so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
