He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
