So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
