i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
