I got chris browned last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Enjoy the penises
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
