mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your penis caused this!
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