i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
