i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
