You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
